Night Burning Rose
by Shadowdancer
Summary: A trilogy that starts in Xelloss' past that affects his future...and Lina's. PG 13 for some gore.
1. Default Chapter

Again, a dark little songfic from yours truly! Again, the song from my favorite local band, Wolfgang, this time from their first album, _Wolfgang_. Their music is just sooooo kewl! Sorry if it sounds too much like _The Devil's Advocate_ at the last part. And as for the mumerous references to blood, I've been getting into _Vampire Princess Miyu_ - Larva just looks soooo kawaii! - and been listening to my friends talk about _Vampire: The Masquerade_. Cool stuff! This is from Xerross' point of view, in contrast to my dark Zelgadiss fanfic.   
I should pause to explain that I wrote this years ago. I knew nothing of Milgazia save that he was blond, and a Gold Dragon. Xerross' name is the way it is (not Xelloss) because the Filipino dub spoke the name that way. 

On with the show. 

-Shadowdancer 

* * *

Arise   


I, I am the night, I am the day   
I am the light gone astray   


I rise from the slumber of death and feel the touch of the evening breeze. It has been nearly a full twenty four hours since I was … reborn. I watch the sun set, still the same sun that I saw when my Lady and Lord tore out my throat.   
I touch it, feel the smooth, warm skin of my neck and smile ferally. I remember the warmth of my own blood as it spilled…and the ecstasy that came with it. I shudder, recalling it, the best orgasm I've ever had. I sinuously slide into a sitting position, reveling in the inhuman flowing grace of something more… I stretch and run my tongue over my teeth, feeling how slightly my canines have grown more pointed. I am a predator.   
I grin, as I catch my reflection in the mirror. Still wearing my white and blue priest's robes, the mark of Ceipheed upon them. But I know that I, while still a Priest, am no longer his.   
I am a predator, the deadliest kind, because I wear the mask of beautiful humanity, and the robes of purity.   
I am Mazoku, and as I was powerful with white magic, so am I now...with all the arts.   
And I have my master to thank for this.   


The fear that's in your bones, that is I,   
I am the taker of souls   


I smell her scent long before I see her, a heady mix of cigarette smoke and a fresh kill in the forest. Zellas Metallum. The Beastmaster. Then she glides into the room, her golden hair like silken mist around her, clad in the lightest of gossamer veils. "Awake already, my priest and general?" I shiver, her voice is like the low sensuous purr of a great cat, warming my blood. I smile in reply. I rise from the bed and kneel before her in servitude. I feel her kneel before me and gently cup my face with one hand, a hand with long delicate fingers, with long sharp, eagle-claw sharp nails, painted a delicate iridescent pearl. I remember that same hand cupping my face similarly when she had tilted my head sideways to reveal my throat, the caress of tenderness and a near bestial hunger, hinted at when her lips touched my skin - revealed when her sharp, rending teeth ripped out my jugular. 

  


Shout my name at the heavens   
And be cast in fire   


"Mistress…" I murmur. "How may I serve thee, Lord?" She chuckles.   
"I have no need of your services right now, my dear little Priest." Her hand drops to play with my layman's collar, her red lips parted in a feline smirk. "This is a good guise to wear, my dear Xerross… You are deadly, and powerful. I feel it. Do you wish to see?"   
I only open my eyes in reply. Then I close them again as she kisses me passionately, pulling me close, her tongue claiming mine. I clasp her back, but it is I who melt like ice in her embrace, as a fire like none I have ever known suddenly rages through me, physically and otherwise. Suddenly I am in the astral plane, and I see myself though her eyes - a being of fire, blazing white, purple-limmed with touches of red. I know what the colors mean. She is right, and I am powerful indeed, more than I was before.   


Hold my hand as we roam with the pack   
Cause evil is our lair   


The moment passes. I sit once again on the floor of my room. Lady Zellas stands near the balcony, gazing out at the last rays of light. It makes a silhouette of her beautiful body, revealing it in the shadows she casts. Then she turns to me. Her eyes glow a feral golden, and her teeth have grown so sharp, lupine in aspect. She holds out her hand to me, an invitation, a gift, an offering, in her empty hand.   
I take her hand and we both leap from the balcony. Landing in the forest below, we change…   


Cause evil is our lair   


Her form is powerful, sleek and silver. Beautiful golden eyes glitter back at me, seemingly hungry for my soul. She bares her teeth at me, and I present my throat to her in submission. Firmly, she takes it into her stalwart jaws, and I feel her fangs just nip into my skin under my fur. 

Cause evil is our lair   


My form is like hers, a monstrous wolf. We run from the glade, howling in wild abandon, and the joy is like nothing I've ever felt before. The moon rises, and I catch a glimpse of my own reflection in the stream as we spring over it. My fur is gray, purple-tinged, but my eyes are still the same jewel color. My first urge is to hunt, to taste blood in my mouth, the feel of flesh rending in my teeth, the smell of fear from my prey and the look of death in their eyes. 

Cause evil is our lair   


But that is not our purpose tonight. My mistress leads me into a cave, and the next thing I know, we stand in a great spaceless audience hall, before a single obsidian throne. Upon the throne sits a tall man, whose ruby eyes glisten from beneath the shadows of his hair. I do not have to be told who he is.   
Lei Magnus, he who carries part of our king, Shaburanigdo, in himself.   
He who _is_ Shaburanigdo.   
We've reverted back to our humanoid forms. He glances at the Beastmaster. "So this is your new general and priest, Zellas?"   
"Yes, Lord."   
"Shall we see if he is worthy?"   
"Of course."   


Sentinels of pain   
On their mission once again 

A long, elegant, yet powerful hand rises from the deep shadows before me and beckons. I obey. The powerful voice tells me to rise from my genuflection.   
"I have a task for you, little Xerross."   
"How may I serve, Lord?" I murmur. The power I feel from him is incredible, yet he does not even exert any effort whatsoever. I realize the power _is_ him, everything that he is.   
"Do you see what I am showing you, little priest?" Lei Magnus whispers.   
"I do, Lord."   
"Then do so. Kill and destroy the Ryuzoku, Xerross." His voice rises in command. "Prove to us your loyalty and ability. Not all, of course. That would upset the balance, and it is not yet time for that." 

He sends them out to roam   
Half-dog men with their knives,   
Hunting your lives   


I find the first one to fall before me: A young dragon-maiden with pretty green eyes and long strawberry hair. I tear out her throat with my talons and rip open her jugular with my canines. Unable to resist, I drink deeply of her blood.   
And suddenly, I know. I laugh, cradling the ravaged body of the girl in my arm the way I would a child's. A beautiful secret! And even they did not know!!!   
Power.   
And knowledge.   
Combine the two, and you are invincible.   
A secret they did not know.   


Pray, it's good to pray   
In our masses we shall say   
He no more he will be dead   


I see the entire army of Ryuzoku before me. They are preparing to attack. I'd left the body with enough signs of 'Mazoku' all over it to instigate a war.   
Fools all. I can hear them. They are fools. Thinking that the Mazoku will die.   
Oh no. They will not.   
They rise from the ground, a cloud, a horde of winged beings, beautiful and awesome to behold. One of them spots me, and dives for the attack. I swat him aside with a mere gesture, sending him crashing into the ravine behind me.   
Then, as the others turn to attack, I laugh, and whisper their doom, pointing my forefinger at them all.   
Die they did, as draconic hearts burst, and they lost control of their wings. Gouts of blood, not fire, erupt from their great maws as they plummet, harmless to me now.   
And I feed on their disbelief and horror as they recognize their own power, twisted and perverted.   
It is the last thing they ever think. 

Though he is laughing beside you instead   
Cause evil is our lair 

The blood. So much blood. I revel in it, pick dragon scales at my leisure and similarly discard them. I feel the few still living, and feast upon their death throes. They all look at me, unbelieving, uncomprehending, disbelief etched on their faces.   
All of those who see me wear that mask of fear to the void that comes to engulf them.   
And all the while, the last song they hear is that of my laughter.   


Though he is laughing beside you instead   
Cause evil is our lair 

I go back for the one I cut down first, the one who dared to attack me. In the ravine, lying broken and tattered, is a man, his long blond hair matted with blood, both his and of his kin. He lies upon a bed of stone, and looks wearily up at me. His eyes widen in recognition, as do mine.   
Milgazia, my mentor.   
I chuckle as I kneel beside him. "You are fortunate. Luck smiles upon you today, my former teacher, because you live."   
Again disbelief. "Xerross… how?"   
I smile as he coughs blood. His ribs are broken. I bend and pick him up, carrying him out of the ravine. All this while, he murmurs relief in seeing me again. "Thought the Mazoku…got you… that …you….dead…"   
I lay him down upon a bed of soft pine needles. I fish around in my pack and find what I've been looking for. I unstopper the potion and let him drink. The potion works best on humans, for it is a human's dosage. However, since he is in human form, the potion will heal most of his injuries.   
"Thank you, my pupil." Milgazia sighs, leaning back against a log-pillow. "For saving me. But now, you must go and hurry to the nearest stronghold and warn them about a new Mazoku threat! He can destroy us all!"   
I laugh. He looks at me in confusion. Smoothing back the tangled golden hair from his forehead and face, I grin. "I do not think so."   
"Why not?"   
"You were right that the Mazoku got me, Milgazia. But they did not kill me. And as for that new Mazoku threat, I am he." 

Though he is laughing beside you instead   
Cause evil is our lair 

I smile evilly as the realization sinks in and he realizes for the first time, what I have become. His eyes sparkle with betrayal. "How could you?! How could you do this to us? To me! I took you in when you were starving, Xerross! I saved your life!"   
I smirk, shrug and get up. "Things change, O teacher no longer mine. I was sent to kill the dragons. I have done that. Now, if you'll excuse me…"   
I turn from him, as the love he once felt for his little foundling turned forever into delicious hatred.   
"Then why don't you kill me now? Why did you let me live?" Anger now, helpless because he cannot revenge himself and his people for he is now too weak.   


Evil is our lair!   


I open one amethyst eye and wag my finger at him. "That is a secret."   


I am the king   
I need no queen nor friends 

Again I stand before Lei Magnus. Arrayed behind him are the five Lords, amongst them, my own Lady Zellas. Lord Lei Magnus beckons me forward. I kneel before him.   
"You have done excellently, Xerross. You have indeed proven that you are one of us. And in the way that you accomplished it, I have deemed it fit to bestow upon you a reward."   
  


You bow before me   
Because blood is my feast   
And fear is my staff   


Both Lei Magnus and the Beastmaster step forward. I genuflect in servitude, before I am commanded to merely kneel.   
Lei Magnus hands me a golden box. "Fasten these upon you, Xerross Metallum, Beast Priest and General. I bestow upon you, the Bloodstones of Demonkind."   
I look up in surprise. "Yes. Each Stone holds within it blood taken from each Demon King. A great honor, and a great treasure."   
Then the Beastmaster raises her hand, and gives me a twisted staff, which clutches a clear gemstone as large as a child's ball in it's organically shaped fork. As soon as my hands touch it, taking it from her floating field of power, the gemstone immediately turns a bright crimson hue.   
"The Heart of Death grows darker with every single heart that stops at your hands, my Priest. And with it, grows its power."   
I feel it. It is sated, for a very long time.   
Great hearts will feed it for lifetimes they should have beat.   
"Thank you for these great gifts. I will use them well."   
Again, I bow. 

And I will come to take you and yours away 

And I have still not told anyone my secret. 

Take you away!   


"Xerross!!!"   
A silvery voice breaks my memory's journey, and I look up, shutting my eyes as I do so. Before me stands my vision of beauty, the fierceness in her ruby eyes even stronger now with her irritation.   
"What's the matter with you? I've been calling for nearly ten seconds now! You look like you've got your mind somewhere else!" Lina snaps.   
I smile at her. Little does she know. "Well, actually, I was wondering about something…" I grin.   
"And what was that? And don't you dare say 'That is a secret' or I'll trounce your smiling Mazoku butt three ways from Sunday!"   
"Oh hardly. I was wondering when and how shall we start your lessons." 

I, I am the night, I am the day   
I am the light gone astray 

"What lessons?" Lina frowns at me.   
"Magic lessons, Lina-chan." I grin at her and pull out an old leather book from my satchel. As I expect, she greedily grabs it from me, then opens it. She frowns when she realizes it is written in a runic form that she doesn't know. She couldn't possibly know it, since I created it myself.   
"I'm afraid I'm the only one who can translate the book for you, Lina-chan." I say apologetically. "You see, no one speaks that language. Not anymore."   
She still holds the book, leafing through it. "Why are you doing this?"   
"Honestly? I'm bored. I'll teach you until I find something better to do." 

The fear that in your bones, that is I,   
I am the taker of souls 

"Okay, fine! Teach me already!" Lina snaps impatiently, plopping down next to me.   
"You'll have to trust me." I tell her. She looks up at me suddenly, wariness making crimson mirrors of her eyes. "I promise I won't betray that trust. We won't do anything that you don't want to do."   
"What's it gonna cost me?"   
"Oh, nothing." _Nothing…except your soul,_ I add silently. "I told you I want to do this. Really!" I hold up my hands to fend off any impending head locks or neck throttling.   
I wait for a moment, then peek to see her eyeing me impatiently. "Well? Let's get on with this! Before you decide to do anything else!" she gripes.   
I smile inwardly. "Very well then…let's begin." 

Listen to me my child   
I feed your body, free your mind 

I take the book from her gently and open it to the first page. She leans closer to me as I begin to read to her the spell called Blood Star. The first spell takes us an hour of constant reading before I decide to let her eat. I offer her some food I've kept in my bag, and she hungrily wolfs it down, unaware what I had done to the food - mixed it with dragon blood. Mixing the blood will only give her the knowledge subconsciously. She won't be able to summon the blood memories unless she wills it - and she cannot will it since she doesn't know it is there. But she will be able to call upon the power of the Blood.   
They don't call me the Trickster Priest for nothing. 

Come closer if you dare   
To this manner of beast   


She will also be bound to me…irrevocably. In time, she will long for my merest presence, and no spell in the world could possibly break my hold upon her. By the time she realizes this, she will no longer care. The Blood - my Blood, mixed with Dragon - binds her to me. And as everyone knows, Blood bonds are unbreakable.   
And she is mine by her own will. 

Cause evil is our lair   
Cause evil is our lair   


And because of that, it enforces my hold upon her. 

Cause evil is our lair   
Cause evil is our lair 

She has slipped the manacles, the collar, the chains, upon her, with her own hands. 

Cause evil is our lair   
Cause evil is our lair 

It was her choice. 

Cause evil is our lair   
Evil is our lair! 

How I love free will! 


	2. On The Edge of Twilight

On The Edge Of Twilight     Chaos said I should keep writing one-shots so you folks won't forget me. Well, this isn't a real one-shot; I wrote one before this, just before I left the Philippines, and since I haven't got access to my hardrive right now, I can't remember the title. The one from Xerross' point of view..._Arise_, I think -yeah, that's it! I _really_ picked on Milgazia there. As for who Milgazia is, I you'll meet him in _Slayers Next_. (Please ask Chaos for any correction- she's watched almost every single episode of Slayers from _Next_ to _Try_!)   
    (Filipino dubbing may suck, since they translate from Japanese directly and literally, and the voice actors suck, but when they translate a series, they translate _everything!_ No, I didn't get to see it. I didn't have a TV that worked...Wah.., and Chaos will attest, no doubt, that I wasn't interested, but insisted that Gourry should be shot to put him outta his misery.)   
Written while listening to Slayers Next Sound Bible I, II, Carmina Burana and Parasite Eve's Soundtrack, and a Fushigi Yuugi tape I got, I present to you the first fanfic that I ever started without a plot in mind, and just the opening sentence scene in my head. 

-Shadowdancer 

* * *

On The Edge Of Twilight 

* * *

    The day was beginning to end. It was his favorite time of day. Xerross watched the red sun sink into the purple horizon, and smiled as his imagination got busy yet again. The image of Lina bending down to kiss him was just _too_ enticing an image not to imagine further.     His pleasant reverie was interrupted by the shrill voice of Princess Amelia yelling from below his tree-perch.      "Xerross-san!" Amelia said, waving her hand wildly in the air. Xerross winced, her screeching tearing into his sensitive ears.     _They could probably hear her in Wolf Pack Island,_ he thought, resisting the urge to extinguish her right there and then. Instead, he plastered his usual smile on and peeked over the edge of the branch. "Yes, little Highness?"      Unsurprisingly, Amelia somersaulted into the air, with the agile thought of landing next to him. She missed the branch by a few feet, and would have crashed to the ground if Xerross hadn't caught her by the back of her cloak. Hiding a sadistic grin, Xerross let her dangle for a moment before pulling her up, then suffered a long tirade about the goodness of justice.      When the little clumsy princess' positive energy grew positively nauseating, he interrupted her, instead of causing her great bodily - and possibly fatal- harm. "Excuse me, Princess, but I'm certain there was a reason why you risked great danger and possible injury in looking for me in these wild forests so far from your friends and camp..." _No harm in laying it on a little thick,_ he thought grimly. _Anything to shut her up._      "Oh yes! Thank you so much for reminding me, Xerross-kun!" Amelia began to hunt around in her cape, then gave a happy little squeal when she found what she was looking for. "Miss Lina asked me to give this to you!" she held out a carefully rolled piece of paper, bound by a strand of red hair. It had been unopened, but Xerross didn't expect it to be. Reading other people's mail and invading a person's privacy would go against the little justice freak's "Code of Justice".      Though Amelia had been annoying beyond description, Xerross recognized the logic of having her deliver the message. Zelgadiss would have read the contents, and possibly never given it, and Gourry would almost certainly have lost it or forgotten what he was supposed to do. Xerross accepted the letter and turned it over in his gloved hand, glancing at the princess with his 'closed' eyes. He knew that the princess was deathly curious, he could probably bite the emotion from the air and chew on it for hours from it's intensity. But he pointedly did nothing but tuck the letter away into his bag.   
     Finally getting the hint, Amelia's shoulder's slumped in disappointment. "I guess I'll leave you alone to read your letter, Xerross-kun. Well, good-night!" She started to hop off the branch, when Xerross murmured "Levitation," so that she simply floated to the ground.   
     Big mistake. "Oh _thank you!_ Xerross-kun! I _knew_ you would be won over to the side of goodness and justice _someday!_ It just goes to show how powerful the power of love and justice goes! And just to show my appreciation, I'll sing you a special song, just composed for you!!! In front of everybody, just to prove that you've been won over to the side of goodness!" The overenthusiastic teenager started to skip around in sheer delight, then hopped onto a stone, striking one of her ridiculous poses. "Yes! I, Princess Amelia Wil Tesla Sairune, have turned Xerross into a follower of Goodness and Justice! I have won him over to the side of Love and Caring! And to commemorate this great Triumph over evil, I will _compose_ a song of his good deeds!" she announced to no one in particular.   
    Her unwilling audience was quietly banging the front of his skull against the tree trunk, near tears, not because of joy - that was the furthest thing from his mind at this grateful pronouncement, but rather, of depression, and sheer nausea.   
    _ I just wanted her to forget about the letter...I wonder if there is any way to corrupt her..._ then heaved a sigh of relief when he heard Amelia's voice recede into the distance. _Thank badness that's over with..._ he thought, raising his abused head and peering into the gloom. He shook his head to clear it a couple of times, then remembered why the saccharine princess had sought him out in the first place.   
    Slipping the little scroll out of his bag, he slid the hair-ribbon off the paper and onto his finger like a ring. Unrolling the brief message, he began to read. 

    _Xerross,   
     I won't be able to make it for tonight's lesson. Want to spend some time to myself. 

--Lina

_

    _Not make it for tonight's lesson? I wonder what's so special about tonight?_ Xerross wondered, pursing his lips unhappily. He stood, tucking the precious note away with the hair. Deciding to find out for himself, Xerross vanished, just as the silvery moon began to rise. 

* * *

    The moon was reaching it's zenith when Xerross finally found Lina. She had sequestered herself, far away from her friends, in a little moss-carpeted clearing by the stream. She had her back turned to him, her black cloak devoid of her shoulder guards, as still as a statue.   
    Carefully hidden, Xerross waited to see what she would do.   
    He did not have to wait long, for after a few moments had passed, she let the cloak fall. Xerross raised and eyebrow and opened his eyes. Lina wasn't wearing her usual attire, but a pale golden dress, the type one might see on any farm girl during the summer. He hid himself even deeper into the shadows when she turned around, and murmured the words of a spell.   
    Soft, shimmering mist crept across the moss carpet, iridescent and almost powderlike. She smiled gently in satisfaction, then cast yet another spell.   
    Taking her place in the middle of the glowing, moon-lit mist, singular piano notes began to play a wistful, tune. To each note, she danced a single movement, until she ended up back where she had started. The music paused, then resumed, more complex accompaniment joining the first set of notes, again piano. As the music became more complex, a violin concerto and flute joining the first instrument, so did her dance. She moved like a ghost, silently and gracefully, a bright vision of color against the black, white and gray of night. She spun, a nymph embodying loneliness, dancing a whirling, waltzlike ballet, her fiery hair like rosy mist, the silk of the dress like gauze against her slender, etheral form. Xerross watched entranced, as the mist around her rose in serpentine spirals to curl around her enticingly, like semisolid ribbons of crystal and gray color. She held out her hands, as though dancing with an invisible partner, who led her through the steps and lifted her up into the air as she sprang with deerlike grace.   
    The music reached it's climax, then suddenly, Lina spun to a halt, as though her imaginary partner had vanished. The music became more quiet, like the last bits of rain falling during a bright new dawn. She pirouetted, without a care, then found herself face to face with Xerross.   
    Hypnotized by her dance, the Mazoku Priest had hopped into the clearing when she had stopped momentarily. Wordlessly he held his hand out to her, his amethyst eyes open, his lips parted slightly, his gaze burning. He held no thought of the possible consequences, indeed, he seemed to have forgotten that she might just blast him into the stratosphere.   
    Lina smiled instead, almost seductively, and swept past him, her arm cocked as though to wrap around his waist, but not touching him. As though in understanding, Xerross danced with the diminutive sorceress, swinging into a circle, and twirling apart, their hands just touching, his gaze never leaving hers. For her part, Lina seemed almost happy she was dancing with a real partner, not some ghost from her mind. The dance consumed the dancers, making them one, though they never really touched, always sweeping apart, and yet constantly returning to each other, the joining never completed. They danced, neither the leader nor the follower, graceful puppets to the strings of the music, the mist swirling, caressing them like a lover.   
    They danced, like twin butterflies flitting around a flower, until at last Xerross lifted her up and tossed her into the air. She caught his hand, and landed gracefully in an arabesque. They wrapped an arm around each other's waist and spun around each other, gazes locked as though that were the ribbon, the cord, the chain, that bound them to one another.   
    Both the music and the dancers slowed to a gentle waltz, slowing even more until only the mist gave them the illusion of movement, Lina gazing up at Xerross, and he gazing down into her crimson eyes.   
    Lina only blinked once when he kissed her, his lips capturing hers, his arms sliding around her waist and pulling her against him. She mimicked how his lips moved against her own, still drunk from her dance, and accepted the warm tongue that slid into her mouth. As Xerross explored his newest treasure, claiming every part of her lips and tongue, he felt her own slim arms almost shyly slip around him, small hands pressing him close, as her body melted against his.   
    Finally realizing what was happening, Xerross pulled away slightly, ending the kiss, and gazed down at Lina, a small smile forming on his lips, knowing it might be his last for the night before she beat him unconscious.   
    Lina smiled, her lips rosy, her cheeks flushed, her eyes warm and inviting. Xerross touched her lips with his fingertips, feeling their softness as they moved against them, felt a small hand touch his cheek tenderly in reply, then he felt her almost weakly pull him down again for another kiss. He clasped her to him, until the blood-beat in his ears was almost a roar, and his knees were giving way, so that he might draw her down with him, to lie in the soft, inviting moss, that he might show her...   
    He did sink down to the ground, but Lina did not fall with him. She stood gazing down at him, her eyes mirrors to her heart, her expression otherwise unreadable. To Xerross, she was a thousand miles out of his reach as he knelt before her, awaiting her next command or gesture.   
    Lina smiled suddenly then, as though she decided something. "...Thank you, Xerross." she whispered at last, and was suddenly gone, her cloak wrapped around her, like the mythical wood nymphs. Only the slight movement of the bushes betrayed her passing.   
    Xerross did not follow her. He did not even move, the emotions, some familiar, some unknown to him, raging through his being. With Lina's leave-taking, the mist vanished. The music had long ago ended, but for him, it would play forever. 

* * *

Just a little side note: the piece that they danced to is the orchestral version of Parasite Eve's Main Theme, just so you know. 

-Shadowdancer 


	3. A Thousand Words

A Thousand Words      The ending to the _Night-Burning Rose_ trilogy (Hai, I named it at last!) is yet another songfic, this time, the lyrics by Savage Garden.      I changed the font and fixed up the formatting. Hope it's easier to read now. This is a bit of an AU fic, since I wrote this when I knew very little about Milgazia. Still, it made for a good story, ne? I'm also keeping the name "Xerross". I know it's wrong, but I don't want to change it any more.      Enjoy! 

-Shadowdancer 

* * *

A Thousand Words 

* * *

We stumble in a tangled web   
decaying friendships almost dead   
And hide behind a mask of lies   
  


     Ever since that time I spent with Lina, I have reached a great amount of inner turmoil. I have found myself feeling some strange feeling, a feeling that I know I must have felt at one time... but it eludes me. It makes me uneasy, but I realize that I do not want to see Lina again...and yet, I feel this strangest need to. That kiss I stole and yet not stole changed everything.      Remembering it, I shiver, as though someone just dumped a bucket of water mixed with ice cubes down the back of my shirt. We had danced - she hadn't dragon-slaved me when I suddenly joined her in her private dancing - and we had kissed. Rather, I had kissed her, and she had kissed me back. I had slipped my arms around her slender waist so she couldn't get away immediately, which she did not do, but held me close in turn.      So unlike the Lina-chan that I know and want. But I liked her expression, almost languid and sleepy, and the slight smile she wore, a smile that I touched with my fingertips, which she kissed. I'd replaced my fingers with my own lips, and again, I didn't even earn so much as a flare arrow for my impunity.      A thought crossed my mind then. The spell I had woven was working faster than I had anticipated, far far faster than it should have. The idea should have pleased me, for it meant that soon, Lina Inverse would be irrevocably bound to my will. But it did not.     While I pondered the illogical inanity of it, a memory tugged at my mind. Feeling that it should be important, I gave into it, and allowed myself to return to the past.   


    _"Mila! Mila! Look, I did it!" my voice sang in the crisp, cold winter air. I turned to see my mentor and guardian approach me and pluck me from the more than waist-deep snow. Tenderly, he dusted me off as I thrust the carefully made snowball into his line of vision. "I finally did it, Mila!"     A soft chuckle was my reply. "Yes, you did, Xerross-chan." He ruffled my hair, flinging away the snow encrusted there, and rubbed my reddish cheeks to warm them. "But now that you were able to make a snowball, what do you intend to do with it?" Gold eyes, as yellow as gold but far warmer, shone at me from beneath a mop of messy blond bangs, tossed by the breezes that blew through our woodland mountain home.     I looked down at the snowball, thinking hard, as hard as a three-year old could. "Um, set it free?"      Milgazia laughed this time, much louder. "No, no, you do this." he knelt down in the snow, taking the snowball from my hands, making it look so pathetically small in his larger ones. He placed it carefully in the snow and began to push at it gently, the way you pat a rabbit on the rear to make it hop a few steps. To my surprise, the ball got bigger. Then he packed the added snow around the now invisible ball, making it small again. "Just keep doing that. I'll be right back, daijibou, Xerross-chan?"     Pleased and eager to dive into the new activity, I had made the ball as large as my head by the time Milgazia came back, with something in a sack. The ball became much bigger later on, by the time we had rolled it near our home, that it was taller than me. Then we set out making a slightly smaller ball.     We finished the snowman just before it was time to cook dinner. I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I remember was waking up, tucked warmly with a blanket next to the fireplace, to the delicious smells of supper. Milgazia had made my favorite stew, and a cake. "Happy Birthday, Xerross!" he said. So that was why we didn't study today! It wasn't really my birthday, it was the day that Milgazia found me three years ago. But since I didn't know my birthday, he decided to make that day my birthday.     The present I got was a book, not of magic, but of legends and fairy tales, and Milgazia read to me next to the fireplace, while eating cake and hot chocolate. When he saw me nodding off, he picked me up and tucked me into bed, as I hugged the book to my chest. He gently put the book on the stand next to the bed, and I kissed him good night.     "I love you, Mila. Thanks for a great birthday." I told him sleepily.     "Mmmm. I love you too, little one. Now go to sleep. Your snowman will keep the nightmares away." he gestured to the snowman outside the window.      And I didn't have any nightmares that night.
_

    With a cold hand gripping my heart, I realized now what I felt. I loved Lina. I had fallen in love with her, and no longer wanted to own her, as I previously had.     But the spell was in motion, and I could not stop it. 

We twist and turn and we avoid,   
all hope of salvage now devoid   
I see the truth inside your eyes   
  


    _No!_ I thought. _There had to be a way to cancel the spell, but how?_ I felt my heart sink into the pit of my soul. I frowned. Mazoku don't love! I wasn't supposed to fall in love with her! The spell was supposed to put her in my control, in any way conceivable!     Another memory slipped into my mind: Milgazia, sitting on the bed of pine needles, just after I had massacred his race, his eyes wide, face pale and worn with shock and grief. The words he had rasped that had failed to move me then tore into me now.     _How could you do this to me?!_     I shook my head, trying to force my memory and conscience away. But the visions would not leave me. I rose, clutching my unresponsive head and roared in anger.     _Why?!_     Lina's face, her gentle, hopeful smile, the tender look in her eyes... and I knew, then, that she too, loved me, I, who sought to betray her, destroy her...     _Thank you, Xerross..._     And then, I knew what would break the spell. 

So take all this noise into your brain   
and send it back again   
I'll bear the cost, shed my skin, call you up and then...   
I'll say the words out loud.   
  


    I knew then that the spell had made her love me. Therefore, it was not too late yet. All I had to do was tell her everything, and then...she would hate me.     I stopped, as the thought chilled me even more than the deepest part of Dynast Grausheela's dungeon. Hate me? I didn't want her to hate me! But...     _I love you, Mila...Thanks for a great birthday... "Happy Birthday, Xerross!"..."..daijobu, Xerross-chan?..._     ...but I loved Lina. I wanted to see her smile, see her laugh, see her eyes light up at the mention of treasure, or magical items to be found...moreover, I wanted to see her free. And if she hated me... she would be.     Even if it meant that she would hate me forever, I would tell her the truth. I would tell her what I had done, and before she tries to kill me...     I would tell her that I loved her. 

You could ressurect a thousand words   
to deceive me, more and more   
A thousand words will give the reasons why   
I don't need you anymore   
  


    I found Lina in a stuff-your-face race with Gourry and Amelia, and surprisingly, Zelgadiss. She stopped eating upon seeing me and smiled widely, waving me to a seat next to her. "Hey, Xerross! Wanna eat? Come join us for a change!"     Her friends choked on their food and collectively stared at their red-haired friend. I was choking on what I had to tell her, and what she had told me only further confirmed that she cared for me. I told myself that it wasn't real, that it was because of magic, and nerved myself even more. Lina was notorious for being selfish with food - especially _her_ food. Even the brainless swordsman could tell that her offering me -_especially_ me - some of the feast laid out and disappearing before her was monumentally out of character. Zelgadiss' expression revealed his rightful mistrust. _Not this time, Mon Chimera, not this time, and maybe, never again._ Before anyone else could protest or even open their mouths, I strode up to Lina. "We have to talk." I told her urgently.     Lina wiped her face and rose from her table. "Good. I want to talk to you too, Xerross. I have something very important to tell you."     And that was exactly what I was afraid of.     Taking her hand, we blurred out of the room, just as Zelgadiss rose, his hand outstretched to stop his friend. 

Time manipulates your heart   
preconceptions torn apart   
Begin to doubt my state of mind   
  


    We reappeared in the grove where we had danced. Lina moved away from me, then turned back, looking very serious. "I want you to listen to me, Xerross -no, don't say anything. Let me finish, because I'll say it only once." I shut my open mouth and waited in dread.     My fears were confirmed when she said the dreaded words out loud. "I love you."     "I was afraid of that...Lina, I have to tell you something." I grasped her shoulders so she would be forced to hear me out. Her eyes were wide with surprise. I knew that was hardly the response she was waiting to hear. "You say you love me, but I know it isn't true love." She looked at me as if I were crazy. Maybe I was, for telling her the truth. I hardened my heart against her expression of startlement and continued. "Remember the lessons I was giving you, the lessons in magic? The spellbook was mine, from long ago. I penned the thing, and it's trapped with a spell. The one who learned from the book would become my slave...and it would use any means possible to make that happen, since only I can translate the book for the student.     "The book was the trap Lina, and you took the bait." 

But I won't go down on what I said   
I won't contract convictions read   
I may perplex but I'm not blind 

    Lina's expression did not change, which more or less meant that she wasn't convinced. I wanted to shake her. "Don't you understand, Lina? The spell made you fall in love with me! Have you thought about _why_ you suddenly did? A dance can't make you fall in love with a person! Lina, think! You're the smartest human I know of! especially in your circle of friends. I'm telling you the truth! You have to believe me!" I sounded insane, even to myself.      I received a raised eyebrow and a sarcastic smirk in return. "If what you're saying is true, Xerross, that I was this close to givng myself up, in every single possible way...why are you telling me this? I mean, the Mazoku have been after me for years. I know the Beastmaster gave you orders to watch over me - I figured that much out, otherwise, why would you even be here? Maybe she even gave you instructions to see if I could be turned. If so, telling me could possibly destroy your plans. Again, why are you telling me all this? If it's to break this girl's heart, you're doing it in a strange way. Saying that a spell in your book made me fall in love... My heart isn't so easily duped, Xerross." 

So take all this noise into your brain   
and send it back again   
I'll bear the cost, shed my skin, call you up and then...   
I'll say the words out loud.   
  


    I gaped at her. The spell had worked in too deeply -- she wasn't going to believe me, no matter what I told her, but I still had to try make her hate me somehow. But she had hit it right on the nail. Everything she said was true, and despite it all, I felt a surge of pride that she had figured out my scheme. But it had to end here.     "You ask me why I told you, why am I betraying my master, the absolute power of a Lord's order over her subordinate. Why I even have the willpower to go against all my instincts and those orders.     "What you say is true. I was sent by the Beastmaster to watch over you. Why I do not know, or question. She _did_ hint that I might try to turn you over to our side - certainly, there was logic in that - you, one of the most powerful and feared sorceresses in the known world, working for the Mazoku... I don't even have to continue. You know the implications of that. You know that if my Master ever found out what I have done, I will most probably be destroyed. Probably not, since I am so valuable to her. But I have been faithful to her for over a thousand years. Why break that faith now?     "The answer, Lina-chan, is as prosaic as any you'd ever find in a cheap love novella, but perhaps all the more poignant because it's coming from a heartless demon-souled Mazoku like I. I, who sought to seduce you, bind you to me, rob you of your freedom, destroy everything that you are, just to make you into a mindless, will-less puppet of my Master.     "Why Lina? Because I love you." 

You could ressurect a thousand words   
to deceive me, more and more   
A thousand words will give the reasons why   
I don't need you anymore   
  


    "That's nice to know," Lina smiled at me. "I love you too, Xerross."     I wanted to scream, and did exactly that, in sheer desperate frustration. She _still_ didn't believe me!!!! "LINA!!! Don't you understand what I said to you?! You'll become like me! Destroying everything that means or meant something to you, just on the order of a Lord! You'll do anything I'll say! Lina, that isn't you! I don't want you to become a doll, made to dance to some unholy tune! Dance your dance, not mine! Your own music, not someone else's! Your 'love' _binds_ you to me! It's like a chain you put on your own neck, the manacle you clamped around your own wrist, the cage you locked yourself into and tossed the key away. You mustn't love me - anyone, but not me."     And still, she smiled easily at me. 

I'll say the words out loud   
I'll say a thousand words or more 

    "Lina, Lina, you say you love me, then believe me when I say that you shouldn't love me. You know in your heart that what I say is true. I used you, used your feelings and made a mockery of them. Lina, I love you, but I don't deserve your love in return. You must understand the paradox of this, but I'll do anything to set you free, and keep you that way!" I pleaded desperately, near tears.     And still, she sat on that log, her legs crossed and her hands wrapped around one knee, smiling at me as though what I was telling her was an amusing story. 

Manipulation. 

    I started to grow angry. "Don't you get it? I used your love of knowledge to trap you! You were so hungry, so very hungry for power! I used it before, but just for amusement, leading you and your friends around in search for Clair Bibles! I took it a step further this time and gave you a book myself! I fed you tiny little tidbits of knowledge, real tidbits, as you have found out, but each little morsel that you swallowed was poison! And yet, even after I've told you what that poison will do, you still think that you love me. Don't you understand that you've been used? Lina, you _hate_ being misled!"     And still she smiled at me, nodding as though to indulge a child. 

Fabrication. 

    I tried another tack. "All of this has been a game for me, Lina, a game that up to now, I enjoyed. I enjoyed leading you all around by the nose, seeing you jump when I wanted you to jump. Most of what I told you, which you eventually found out was false, I knew from the start. I enjoyed the emotions of frustration that you all felt, the anger, the disappointment, was all just delicious samples of what I could drive you to. I wove a web of lies, made a net of plots, and set them out in the open. And yet, you walked into them, and I laughed, then rescued you from them so I could play with you yet another time."     She smiled serenely, as though she knew this all along. 

Conversation. 

    "With smooth words and talk I led you onto this path, saying I was bored. I was, that was true, which was why, at the time, I had decided to end the game, and trap you once and for all. Don't you see what I have been doing? I would lead you onto the dark paths, lead you to a cliff and let you fall. You would dangle from my hand, deprived of the power of free will, and stare at me pleadingly, not to let you go, not to let you fall. Do you want to end up that way, Lina? Reduced to begging me for your next breath?"     And still, she smiled, without a care in the world. 

Annihilation 

    Wouldn't anything make her hate me?! Anything I say? "I would let you go, after I had sated myself on your uncertainty, and feast on your fear and despair as you fell. And still, you would reach out for me, even as you plummeted to the depths. And as you lie broken, still the name you would call for would be mine. You would make yourself stand, and you would climb from the pit that I had cast you in, and when you reach the precipice, you will find me, unhelping. You will never see me for the devil that I am, happy to do my very bidding, obey my every whim, just to gain my approval."     She nodded, as though accepting that fact. 

I'll say a thousand words or more 

    "I would make you destroy your friends, one by one, in the slowest, most painful possible way. I would have you show Amelia that there is no true justice for those she so claims to protect, that daily, they hunger and scrape for the meager scraps and crumbs that they subsist on. I would have you dangle the cure for Zelgadiss' condition in front of his nose, then have you crush his hopes in a single fell clenching of your fingers. And I would have you gut that mindless swordsman Gourry with his own sword, and as he lay drowning in his own blood, I would have you take that sword and break it in two, releasing it's magic into the surrounding forces for all eternity."     Not only did she smile at me, but she winked at me as well. 

Damnation. 

    Finally, a last method came to me, if she could not, refused to hate me, then I would spare her such an existance. "I do not want to see that happen. Ever." I hefted my staff slightly. The stone it held, the ruby crystal that held the heartblood of a race of dragons within, was more than heavy enough to crush her skull. She would die without feeling any pain...and her heart would be added to the many my gemstone captured within. "I'd rather see you dead. Forgive me, Lina Inverse."     I stepped toward her and raised my staff above my head. 

Frustration 

    That odd smile she had been wearing all throughout grew wider all of a sudden, and her eyes, her beautiful ruby eyes, sparkled like gemstones drenched in blood. Lina's shoulders began to tremble, as she bowed her head suddenly. Was she crying? I lowered my staff. Perhaps I didn't have to kill her after all. I heard soft noises from her, in time to her trembling. Sobs? I fervently hoped so. They sounded like sobs, like the weak mewing of a newborn kitten calling blindly for it's mother. If she was weeping, then it meant that I had succeeded. The thought left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I felt a pain in my chest. Lina hated me.     She wrapped her arms around herself, as her hiccuping grew louder. My heart shriveled to realize that she was laughing! She was not crying, but laughing, and that laughter rose, until she threw back her head and laughed her mirth to the heavens above. 

Elevation 

    Lina wiped her eyes free of tears, still giggling insanely. Perhaps she had gone mad. She stood up and looked up at me. "Idiot," she chuckled. "You are such an idiot." she clutched her midsection, alternating whimpers of pain and laughter. "Oh, I knew all along. Fool."     I stared at her. She_ knew?!_ How could she have known?!     "The trick's on you, Xerross Trickster Priest. I'm immune to mind-bending spells. My headband ensures that." she fingered the black, rune-embroidered silk and velvet ribbon stretched across her forehead. "It also warns me when someone tries. But I knew that spellbook you held was genuine, so I had you teach me and I gained so many new spells! Who used who, Xerross?" she pushed me lightly on the chest with the palm of her gloved hand. I was so shocked that I toppled over without any resistance. Again, it was I who gazed up at her, and she was again smiling down at me.     "I told you that my heart is not so easily duped, Xerross, and I meant it. But did you ever wonder why I tolerated your presence anyway? I guess you never thought about it, since you thought that I _couldn't_ do anything about it anyway, right?" I nodded dumbly; never had I been so robbed of speech, or so...so..._deceived!!!!_

Procreation 

    "You lose, Xerross. I win." Lina grinned at me. "I played your game against you, and you handed me victory on a silver platter."     I only blinked, my eyes wide open as I realized that she did...._I_ did indeed, do what she said. I grinned suddenly, stupidly. She _did_ win. In a masterful turning of strategy. I was glad, elated beyond imagination, to learn that her love for me was true, and that my spell had not worked at the very beginning. Suddenly, I was assailed by doubts. Could she still love me, after I had confirmed her suspicions?     Lina knelt at my side, her expression tender, and she gently touched my face, as though she knew what I was thinking.     I wouldn't be surprised if she did. 

I'll say a thousand words or more. 

    "I love you still, despite all that you said. Everything you said was perhaps true once, horrible and true. You also told me why you told. I believed you, Xerross. I believe you now." Lina placed her other hand on my other cheek, so that she cupped my face, far far different from the slap I had imagined she would lay upon me, more so than the Dragon Slave I thought she would throw at me. But that did not belie my confusion. Why did she love me?     My face must have shown my emotions, something it rarely did. Lina leaned forward and lightly touched her lips to mine. "I need someone who can keep me on my toes, someone who will be able to keep up with me, and someone...who will live as long as I will. You're the one person I've found who can. You bear up with my inanities, and put up with my eccentricities. Someone stronger than me. Who can keep me in line when I have to be reined in without strangling me.     "Do you think you could do that?"      I grinned at her. "I've been doing it all this time, haven't I?"     She scowled at me and whacked me one on the shoulder. "Back to your old normal..." she smiled at me "lovably annoying self."     I winked and wagged my finger at her. "But that's why you love me, ne, my Lina-chan, my little Lina-koishii*..."     Lina pursed her lips. "I don't mind the rest, but _little?_" she whined.     I smiled at her. "In size only, Lina-koishii, in size only."     Lina quirked her lip sideways, then held her hand to me. "If you fell, I would catch you." she pulled me to my feet.     "You mean, you think I won't?! Lina-chan, you're so mean!" I leaned down to kiss her cheek.     This time, and she never would again, she didn't punt me into the atmosphere. 

You could ressurect a thousand words   
to deceive me, more and more   
A thousand words will give the reasons why   
I don't need you anymore 

    Later, we sat underneath a tree, my head comfortably pillowed in her lap, gazing up at the stars. I smiled happily, having got what I really wanted.     "Xerross?"     "Yes?"     "Does this mean you're a fugitive now? From the rest of your kind?"     I mulled that over and shrugged. "Should I be worried? I mean," I grinned up at her "I have the Demon-Slayer with me, ne?" I laughed as she almost absently rubbed her knuckles roughly across my skull.     After a moment, she joined my laughter. "I guess you're right."     Then Zelgadiss, Gourry and Amelia joined us on under the tree. "There you are." Zelgadiss said frostily. "We've spent half the day looking for you two! What have you done with Lina, you namagomi Mazoku?" he drew his sword.     I felt a vein pop in my forehead. Namagomi? But Lina only ran her hand through my hair and purred. "Oh Zel-kun, Xerross isn't a namagomi Mazoku."     Gourry blinked. "Oh? What kind of Mazoku is he then? I mean, Filia-dono used to call him that all the time..."     Lina leaned down and kissed my forehead tenderly. "He's _my_ Mazoku-kareshii**."     I watched as Zelgadiss' eyes all but bugged out of his stony face (sorry, pun intended), Gourry said "Oh, that's nice," and Amelia danced around, cheering happily in joy.     "Wai! Wai! That's GREAT!" she cheered.     Zelgadiss turned to stare at her. "I don't really see how that could be so fantastic, Amelia." he said in disbelief.     Amelia's eyes filled with stars, and her positive energy filled _me_ with waves of morning sickness. "It means that Xerross-san has _really_been turned over to the side of Goodness and Justice, because of his Great Love for Lina-san!!!" The two other men facefaulted. Then she whipped out a piece of paper. "This is PERFECT!!! I can finally sing that song I promised to compose to commemorate Xerross' conversion to Justice and Good!" I cringed in horror. I forgot about that!     Amelia struck a pose. "The power of Good and the righteousness of Justic prevails over evil yet again!!!!"     That was the last thing I saw before Lina picked me up by the scruff of my collar and ran over ten miles in a single second.   
  
  


End 

* * *

* koishii=darling, dearest.   
** kareshii= lover, beloved, or...(grin) husband. 


End file.
